Friday, 29 October 1976

(Gosforth, Newcastle upon Tyne — Age 15).

I saw Granny W, then went into town with Grandpa.

Granny W and Grandpa lived barely half a mile down the road, in a modest 1930s semi where they’d always lived. It had been Mum’s home. We would just drop in, often after a short cycle ride. They sat in the back room with the gas fire on, though Grandpa was often out in the garage.

They had been married since the late 1920s. Grandpa had had an extraordinary life. His background was humble, his father having been a head groom and chauffeur. He had left school at fourteen and joined the Army at eighteen, during the First World War. He was often at our house, and after Sunday lunch he would reminisce about his experiences.

I tried to arrange something with Julie-Anne. We argued about her not being allowed to come to a barn dance.

It was the same old problem. Julie-Anne was fourteen and wasn’t allowed out in the evenings. Trips during the day and the cinema — that was it. No discos, no parties, and certainly no barn dances. I could go to these things, but my permissions didn’t stretch to her. Yet again, I was going off to an event that I’d have loved her to attend with me.

We had been going out since December 1975, nearly eleven months. I called her my girlfriend, but we were more like pen pals. We wrote letters while I was away at Sedbergh, spoke on the telephone and met during the holidays. We could spend hours together listening to records, talking about school, family and friends, yet we were not holding hands or snuggling together for a kiss.

I wanted a romantic relationship: kisses and cuddles! I wasn’t being so demanding. I wanted to be seen with her, take her to parties and do things together as a couple. I’d had a few ‘holiday moments’ and knew what romance was like. I still felt affection for Julie-Anne and wanted some of that with her.

Perhaps I wasn’t creating the opportunities. A barn dance would have helped!

She lived a genteel life: school, girlfriends and her rabbit. She was more excited by David Soul than me. I thought it childish, and she wasn’t growing out of it. Her life experience was terribly narrow. Perhaps it wasn’t in her character to be more vocal about her feelings. She certainly wasn’t seeking out relationships with other boys in my absence!

Her older sister was going out with Ian, but she was eighteen. That was different from still being fourteen. I knew that. Even so, I was frustrated that Julie-Anne’s parents restricted her so much. Though was it them? Either way, I should have reactions how young we still were; I didn’t! I wanted to elope to Scotland and get married. But I wasn’t old enough for that either!

I was fifteen and home from Sedbergh for half-term. At school, my days were governed by lessons, games, swimming, prep and House routines. At home, I could arrange to meet people, go into Newcastle and attend parties. I was enjoying my freedom, but Julie-Anne’s was much more limited.

I met my brother Rick and his lot. They were eighteen months to two years older than me and seemed to have much more freedom. I could go to parties and dances, yet I couldn’t persuade Julie-Anne’s parents to let her accompany me.

I gave Julie-Anne a lecture. My poor choice of words, but it’s all I thought of when I was writing my diary that night.

I rather thought you could argue your way in and out of any situation. If something was wrong, surely a sufficiently good argument could put it right? I was trying to make an argument for the kind of relationship I wanted. I wanted to be seen with her, take her to parties, have kisses and cuddles. I wanted us to be more than pen pals.

She said very little on the matter.

Perhaps I was arguing when what she needed was sympathy. After all, it wasn’t her decision that she couldn’t go to the barn dance. Her parents made the rules.

Her dad was perfectly friendly towards me. He took me home. It was barely two miles from one side of Gosforth to the other.

While I was in town, I gave Julie-Anne a note:

‘Remember what I said; it’s important to me.’

It felt like a plea. Had I tried to say something I was finding hard to say in person?