Monday 24 February 1975
‘I was at home when I woke up. I felt like getting up, not to waste a sec of time. Joanna went to school, so I feed the guinea pig and rabbits and then went to buy some animal food from up the road on my bike. Mr T told me my CEE results, Latin-A, French-A, Science-A, Maths I – A, Maths II-A, History-B, Scripture-B, Geography-B, Maths III-B, English I-C, English II-C. Thick fog to Barbon. Watching the cat’s eyes stay on the road. Fruit juice, peas, duckling, orange in caramel for dinner. TV in bed. Goodies.’
Kai: This diary entry is rich in detail but leaves room for deeper reflection. Here are some prompts to help you expand on it:
Morning Routine and Feelings
KAI. What made you feel eager to get up that morning? Was this typical for you?
JV: This is how I feel when I’m in the best frame of mind. Once conscious, I want to be active or engage my mind in something. It’s been like this for six weeks; I’m now in my eleventh week of sobriety. Alcohol caused the self-inflicted brain damage that I used (among other things) to slow myself down. Getting enough sleep can be challenging, especially as we approach spring and summer, as I tend to wake with the light – as I did this morning at around 6:45 am. I usually don’t check the time. I think, ‘I’m awake—isn’t this marvellous?’ As a child, I sometimes discovered that my parents were still awake. I wandered around the house for a while, into the sitting room, kitchen, and garage.
Did you enjoy the quiet of the house after S left for school?
She wasn’t noisy! My younger sister kept to herself and with her friends, and we generally avoided each other. I think she got annoyed that the boys received more food on their plates. She had dolls that cried and wet themselves. These may have been of interest at age 7 or 8 but certainly not at age 13.
How did it feel to feed the guinea pig and rabbits? Do you have a favourite among them?
I’ve got drawings of them somewhere. I’m trying to picture their hutch in the garage. As a younger boy, they would prefer to leap out of their hutch to escape my clutches rather than spend the morning in the doll’s house or be sent down the slide in an Action Man troop carrier.
Bike Ride and Animal Food
What was the shop like? Did you go there often?
It was along Polwarth Drive, a pet shop in the arcade.
What exactly did you buy, and how did you carry it back?
It would have gone into a basket or been fixed to the back with a hungry clip. I would have stopped off at the corner shop for sweets, too.
Exam Results & Mr. T
Who was Mr T? How did he deliver the news?
The results were provided over the phone. The big surprise is French. Nothing could be done about my English. I didn’t read much, and spelling and punctuation were trial and error, with no rules that made sense.
What was your reaction to your results? Relief, pride, disappointment?
Results for the CEE Common Entrance Exam were what schooling was all about, but the public school I was headed to let anyone in who could pay the fees regardless of academic ability. So, it was pointless. However, examination as an experience helps embed learning and is a worthwhile goal to aim for.
Did any subject surprise you, either positively or negatively?
My expectation regarding the acceptance of English would have been straight. As for everything, I’d have preferred a C or less for French to reflect the inherent inadequacy and cruelty of using corporal punishment as a threat to get results. Art was not included and was never considered a subject worthy of study beyond being a hobby.
Was there any pressure from family regarding your performance?
None that I’m aware of. My parents received the reports, but I don’t recall much discussion. At one point, my brother and I had extra Latin tuition from a teacher in Newcastle. I got an A in CEE but dropped it at the first opportunity, demonstrating that my interest and love for a subject mattered more to me than the results I could achieve.
Thick Fog on the A66 driving to Barbon
Why were you going to Barbon?
Mum took me to Sedbergh for a music scholarship exam and interview, and we stayed at the pub in Barbon on the way to Kirby Lonsdale.
What was it like to ride in thick fog? Was it unsettling or exciting?
It was so dense that we crawled along, trying to stay on the road and hoping that no one would crash into us from behind while we followed the vehicle’s lights in front.
Did the cat’s eyes create an eerie or mesmerising effect?
JV. Pea soup. You could hardly see beyond the car grille. It was eerie. Everything felt muffled.
Dinner and TV at the Barbon Inn
What did watching TV in bed feel like—was it a treat?
JV. Our bedrooms never had TVs, so being in a hotel room with one made you feel obliged to watch something.
What was memorable about that episode of The Goodies?
JV: I have no idea which episode it was. But the theme tune is something we chanted at school. The giant kitten attacking the Post Office Tower is memorable.
KAI: This entry is full of atmosphere—quiet morning energy, the strange foggy journey, the mix of routine and special occasions. Let’s see if we can pull out a few more threads.
Waking Early and Restlessness
Your natural tendency to wake up and do something—whether it involves wandering the house, feeding animals, or simply being up and about—seems like a constant in your life. The mention of alcohol as something that slowed you down presents an intriguing contrast. It makes me wonder—at 13, were you already aware that your energy levels and need for activity differed from those in your family? Did you ever feel restless when you couldn’t follow your rhythm at school?
JV: I would be up and about from 4:30 am in the summer, which could mean wandering around the school and into out-of-bounds spaces such as the school kitchens, the cellar, or the attic. At Sedbergh, I’d go out to the tennis court and sit in the early morning sun, go down to the river, or head through town and up one of the becks tumbling out of Winder.
KAI: Was there something about being awake when others were asleep that made it feel special?
JV: It gave me a sense of being outside the rest of the world, even having a superpower to do other things.
The Animals and Childhood Play
The memory of your guinea pigs and rabbits jumping out of the hutch to avoid being sent down the Action Man troop carrier slide is priceless. Do you think they were your first experience of testing boundaries—learning what you thought was fun versus what the animals would tolerate?
JV: As a young boy, I had pinned butterflies to flowers. And a few snails probably suffered from some ghastly fate. Killing for sport or as a task came a little later with a .22 rifle. Rabbits and crow numbers have to be kept down at Appleby.
KAI: The shift from playing with them like toys to feeding and caring for them suggests a growing awareness of responsibility. At 13, did you feel connected to them, or did they become more of a chore?
Animal welfare mattered. As a parent, we had rabbits, gerbils, guinea pigs and a dog.
The Pet Shop and Corner Shop
How you describe carrying the food home—basket or bungee cord—suggests that biking with supplies was just a part of your daily independence. Were you comfortable cycling in any weather, or did the fog make this trip different?
Exam Results and The Role of Testing
The results feel like an odd mix of validation and futility—you achieved well in most subjects, yet you recognised the flaws in the system, especially with French. Your ability to do well at something you had no interest in suggests a level of academic discipline—did you ever feel like you were just “playing the game” of school?
The idea that Latin was worth extra tuition while art was a hobby must have been frustrating. You had a deep creative drive, yet formal education didn’t nurture it. Did you ever resent this, or did it simply reinforce that real learning happened outside school?
And with English—do you remember when (or if) it clicked for you? Did you struggle to enjoy reading, or was it just the mechanics of spelling and punctuation that felt arbitrary?
The Fog and Eerie Travel
The phrase pea soup perfectly captures the eerie stillness of thick fog. You describe following the lights ahead, feeling like you were creeping forward.
The muffled sensation and disorientation often stick in memory because they make familiar places feel strange. Was there any part of you that enjoyed the oddness of it, or did it just feel like a slow, nerve-wracking crawl?
The Goodies and Hotel TV
The fact that hotel rooms oblige you to watch TV is such an interesting thought. Was there something about being in an unfamiliar space, perhaps a feeling of having to make the most of the novelty? Did you ever struggle with sleeping in unfamiliar places?
And chanting The Goodies theme at school—was this something done in a particular situation? Was it a shared joke, a way to pass the time or a ritual?
This entry evokes emotions: excitement to be awake, responsibility in caring for the animals, independence in running errands, pride and frustration in exam results, and the eeriness of foggy travel.
Do any of these prompts stir up more memories? Was there anything in that hotel stay, beyond TV, that lingers with you?
JV: the hornet back and forth across the pennies: to see our father, attend school, and later, if I stayed in Westmorland, get to my girlfriend in Northumberland.
This entry is full of atmosphere—quiet morning energy, the strange foggy journey, the mix of routine and special occasions. Let’s see if we can pull out a few more threads.
Waking Early and Restlessness
KAI: Your natural inclination to rise and engage in activities—wandering around the house, tending to animals, or simply being active—appears to be a steadfast aspect of your life. The mention of alcohol as something that hindered your energy presents an intriguing contrast. It prompts me to wonder—at 13, were you already cognisant that your energy levels and need for movement differed from your family? Did you ever experience restlessness when you could not maintain your rhythm at school?
You also tend to wander around the house in the mornings. Have you ever had small personal rituals, such as checking certain things or sitting in a particular spot? Was there something about being awake when others were asleep that made it feel special?
The Animals and Childhood Play
The memory of your guinea pigs and rabbits jumping out of the hutch to avoid being sent down the Action Man troop carrier slide is priceless. Do you think they were your first experience of testing boundaries—learning what you thought was fun versus what the animals would tolerate?
The shift from playing with them like toys to feeding and caring for them suggests a growing awareness of responsibility. At 13, did you feel connected to them, or did they become more of a chore?
The Pet Shop and Corner Shop
You mention the pet shop in the arcade on Polwarth Drive. Was this a place you went to often or was buying pet food more of a rare errand? The stop at the corner shop for sweets suggests a small, deliberate pleasure—what did you pick? Did you eat them on the way back, or were they saved for later?
How you describe carrying the food home—basket or bungee cord—suggests that biking with supplies was just a part of your daily independence. Were you comfortable cycling in any weather, or did the fog make this trip different?
Exam Results and The Role of Testing
The results feel like an odd mix of validation and futility—you achieved well in most subjects, yet you recognised the flaws in the system, especially with French. Your ability to do well at something you had no interest in suggests a level of academic discipline—did you ever feel like you were just “playing the game” of school?
The idea that Latin was worth extra tuition while art was a hobby must have been frustrating. You had a deep creative drive, yet formal education didn’t nurture it. Did you ever resent this, or did it simply reinforce that real learning happened outside school?
And with English—do you remember when (or if) it clicked for you? Did you struggle to enjoy reading, or was it just the mechanics of spelling and punctuation that felt arbitrary?
The Fog and Eerie Travel
The phrase “pea soup” perfectly captures the eerie stillness of thick fog. You describe following the lights ahead, feeling like you were creeping forward. Do you recall feeling tense? Were there any moments when it seemed like you might lose the road?
The muffled sensation and disorientation often stick in memory because they make familiar places feel strange. Was there any part of you that enjoyed the oddness of it, or did it just feel like a slow, nerve-wracking crawl?
The Goodies and Hotel TV
The idea that hotel rooms compel you to watch TV is particularly intriguing. Is there something about being in an unfamiliar space, perhaps a sense of needing to make the most of the novelty? Have you ever found it difficult to sleep in strange places? And chanting The Goodies theme at school—was this happening in a specific context? Was it a shared joke, a means of passing the time, or a ritual?
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